Roll with the Punches in Life

Today’s program is filled with opportunities and service.  Our guest is Lori Vober, a young stroke survivor, an author, public speaker, and an adoptive mother. After a life of dependency, Lori shares her turnaround in her later years, and now helps others with emotional issues. She asks people with a brain injury to not ignore the grief that comes with recovery but take the time to breathe as it is a life-long journey. 

To learn more: https://lorivober.com/

Transcript

0:01

Instrumental Music playing.

Kezia: 0:10

Hi, I'm Kezia, stroke survivor and member of BIND.

Carrie: 0:15

and hi, I'm Carrie stroke survivor and also a member of BIND. And today we are welcoming Lori Vorbe who is traveling in from Goodyear, Arizona, but she says she considers Texas her home. So welcome home. She is also a brain injury survivor and an advocate by sharing her experience and how she has seen, seen it with a very positive perspective. So welcome, Lori.

Lori: 0:38

Thank you guys. I'm so excited to be here.

Brian: 0:42

Welcome to BINDWAVES, the official podcast of the Brain Injury Network of Dallas. I'm Brian White, BIND's Executive Director. On each episode, we'll be providing insight into the brain injury community. We'll be talking to members and professionals regarding their stories and the important role of BIND's Clubhouse. We work as a team to inspire hope, community, and a sense of purpose to survivors, caregivers, and the public. Thank you for tuning into BINDWAVES. BINDWAVES Let's get on with the show.

Carrie: 1:13

So, just to get started, just tell us a little bit about you. We're going to ask you lots of questions, but let's just get to the nitty gritty.

Lori: 1:21

Yes, sounds great, and thank you again for having me. So, um, I am a almost 22 year stroke survivor. I suffered a hemorrhagic stroke at age 29 in January of 2003. And, uh, completely out of the blue. I had no idea, um, even signs of stroke, like I should have.. and, uh, my husband and I had been married almost five years at that point, and we lived in Minnesota. And I had previously worked at the airline industry at Northwest Airlines. My background is marketing, sales, and customer support. And we had been trying to start our family, and I decided at that point to, um, take a new job to slow life down and to start our family. And three weeks into the job, I had my stroke.

Kezia: 2:10

Yeah, that's, uh, when I read that about you, um, it was so interesting that you had a stroke at such a young age. I was twenty eight when I had the stroke. Um, it hasn't been twenty something, but, um, it definitely has been. Six years and I was talking about earlier how time is the weirdest concept because sometimes it feels like that was so long ago, but sometimes I feel like it was just yesterday. Yes Um, so that's that's really interesting Um, I read too that you had an AVM, and I know that, can you let us explain to us what an AVM is? And that way we can learn more about you, but also our listeners.

Lori: 2:53

Yes, absolutely. So it stands for um, Artevenous Malformation, and it is a birth defect that I was born with that was never detected, um, and some, um, are born with the, these AVMs, these malformations, and they never rupture, um, and they, some, um, have them and they never even know they have them. Um, I was born with it and never knew that it even existed until it ruptured. It is when the blood vessels, um, aren't formed correctly and so the malformation between the blood vessels and the capillaries, um, is not correct. And so it, in my case, um, caused a massive bleed. And, uh, it's almost, uh, similar to an aneurysm as far as the bleed goes. And, uh, in this particular case, um, it, it caused just a massive bleed that day. And, uh, it's, uh, therefore, I was rushed to the hospital and we went into a major, um, brain surgery, um, emergency brain surgery to stop the bleed and then I was in a, um, medically induced coma for 17 days to get the brain pressures down, um, and then woke up. I was completely paralyzed on the left side at the time, um, but everybody has different, um, different, um, reactions. And, uh, you know, I do, I think, like everybody that is a stroke survivor or brain injury survivor, I have my days of frustration, but I also have my days of really remembering how miraculous it is that I survived, and that I'm walking, talking, and doing as well as I am, because not everyone does survive. And, uh, statistically, um, as you guys all know, um, specifically with hemorrhagic strokes, um, uh, it, it is the most fatal. Um, uh, stroke out there.

Carrie: 4:41

So, yeah, I was one of them. I had a hemorrhagic stroke as well. I was a little older than y'all. I waited till 38. Still really young. Right, still young. No one thinks strokes are young. And that's kind of what I was wondering if, was it, because like we don't know what caused my hemorrhagic stroke, but are they, are they, Are you fairly certain that the AVM is what caused your stroke?

Lori: 5:00

Yes, yes. And then we did go in, um, while I was in the hospital and, uh, they did a second brain surgery to actually remove the malformation. So they were sure at that point it was indeed the malformation.

Kezia: 5:14

I think that's, that's really interesting. I think we've had a couple of members here from BIND that have had AVMs and I think it's really interesting, um, to, to know that, um, at such a young age to have that cause. Um. I love that you brought up how you are now with all your successes and how you're doing great. Um, but how did the brain injury, actually the stroke, like, affect you?

Lori: 5:40

You know, I think at the very beginning I didn't, um, realize how much it did affect me, and I'm so incredibly grateful for that. It's been honestly a process and a journey of learning my deficits, and I'm truly grateful that no one clued me in at the time of what, Um, the true picture was going to look like, specifically my family members, and no one said, um, you know, hey girl, this really is life long, and you're just not going to recover like you think you're going to. Um, everybody kind of kept that as a hidden secret, and I do believe, um, mentally, um, I, um, stayed positive. Um, even though that's part of my personality, um, it really did not affect me the way it could have. Um, because I truly thought, well, hey, I like to exercise prior and if all I have to do is exercise a lot and work really hard, which hey, I know how to do, I, I got this. I'm, no time at all, we'll be back. Back to square one. And I remember telling my therapist, uh, you know, probably five years, I'll, I'll be completely recovered and we'll, we'll be back to normal. And, uh, I was in the hospital for two months, went home in a wheelchair. And, uh, two months post stroke my husband lost his job in the aviation industry, which moved us from Minnesota to Arizona. And that's when, uh, my, um, therapy really kicked off and it became really my full time job. But, um, you know, as you guys all know, it is a lifelong journey, and it, uh, emotionally and physically, it takes, um, it, cause new things come up all the time, and once you think, oh, I've conquered this, something else appears. And then, um, for me, I'm, I, because It got to a point where it also became age, right? And, uh, so, um, I think it's just, uh, one thing after another. But, uh, um, you really have a choice of being stuck in whatever you go through, or persevering, um, sometimes one breath at a time. And that's just the choice you gotta make.

Carrie: 7:45

No, that's so totally true. Cause like, I know, you, you said yours was on the left side, mine was on the left side. And so, our limitations are very limited. So if you were lucky like me, and your speech was not affected? Absolutely. Because that's what I told everyone. Because I'm a talker. Because I don't know, I mean, I like to think I'm a positive person too, and that's what helped me. But if I hadn't have been able to talk, I'm not sure what I want to do. I mean, like, my first and only goal is to walk.

Lori: 8:13

Yes, yes. Well, you are and I are both very similar. In fact, uh, the, the family joke is that they kept putting me further under, um, the medically induced coma because people would come and try and visit. And, uh, I kept trying to come out and wish them happy anniversary and talk to people and wish them happy birthday and have my list of things to do and, uh, they, so they kept putting me back into the coma further and further because I kept coming out and, uh, that's just my personality and, uh, so the joke was even a stroke couldn't keep me, keep me down. So, um, but, uh, yeah, I, I think, uh, our positive personalities and our perseverance is what gets us better, right?

Kezia: 8:54

Yeah, I think so, too. Right now that you were saying you were induced coma, I mean, I had a different, I definitely had a different stroke. Um, I was in the hospital in and out for about three months and um, I don't remember it, but I was told, I was like, I wasn't allowed to have people over because it was like, I was at such a high risk. Um, But I think once I was able to comprehend it, I registered for the Chicago Marathon, like as if I was gonna be better and walking again. I love that. Yeah, I didn't understand. I didn't understand how long of the recovery it's gonna be and you're so right. It's like a forever recovery. So I didn't get it. Um, I just thought I'll be able to walk soon and that's gonna be it. But it's a It's a long process, and not only for me, but my family too, so, um, you mentioned your husband. How did he react to your, um, What happened? The stroke?

Lori: 10:02

Yes, you know, I am so grateful for his support. And I think we have a strong faith, number one, and that has truly helped. That we had that strong faith. My husband grew up in a, um, this is where that came in, and I think God always has a plan, sometimes you just don't recognize it. He grew up in a household with a mom that battled cancer a good portion of his life, and she passed away a month before we met. And so he grew up watching his dad take care of his mom most of his juvenile life. And so when, you know, neither one of us had any idea this would be our future, but I think innately, he just knew, um, what it meant for a spouse to take care, um, of a loved one. And so, he really, um, I think at the beginning, it, it was like, déjà vu, um, is he going to lose me, like his dad lost his mom. And then, after I started recovering and, and we were over that hump, um, he just kind of stepped in and it was just like, okay, you know, when we take your wedding vows, for better or worse, sickness and health, that's what it is. It's, it's not an option. not to And, uh, you know, sometimes, uh, the joke is, I want to say, you know, um, hey, do you remember I have a disability and it would be nice if there were special favors? And, um, so I jokingly tell him and share when I'm with stroke survivors now, um, there's no special favors in our house at all. And, um, I, you know, and, um, Although I joke about it, I am truly grateful and blessed that we have that relationship and we, we laugh together, we fight together, we frustrate each other, like any other couple. And, uh, I, I have the privilege of sharing, um, with other stroke survivors monthly back in Arizona and I let them know, um, that if they're new into the stroke journey, um, um, their caregivers as their spouses, um, are caregivers right now. But at some point, it's so important to get back to that spousal relationship. And, uh, um, so I'm grateful for that. And, uh, I'm an only child. And my, my parents were, um, kind of the first responders, and so I think they tend to live in the trauma still a lot of what happened and so they live more in the fear of what's going to happen next and are they going to lose me and whereas My husband has walked the journey, and he just knows that my desire is to to be independent and to live my best life, the best I can, leave my best legacy, and to do something with the challenges that I've been given. And he fully supports me and I truly appreciate that he's embraced that and has supported that.

Carrie: 12:46

Yeah, I mean that's so true. And Kezia and I talk about it with a lot of our guests, is that when you have a brain injury, it's not just the person that had the injury. It is the entire family. Absolutely. From spouse to like, I, unfortunately said it was 38. Um, I was no longer married. So I got to move back in the home with my parents, which, you know, I'm thankful and blessed that I was able to do that. Now it's not so much fun to still be in your 50s and living with your 80 year old parents, but it works and it's cheap rent.

Lori: 13:17

Yes, but that is hard because we go from, no matter what, we go from, even when we're married, we go from a life of independence to a life of dependence and I, I, I understand and that is tremendously hard.

Kezia: 13:32

It is. I definitely felt connected with you when you're just saying that, um, Your parents are just in fear a lot. Yes. And trauma. Yes. That's That's my mom. I wonder sometimes if she listens to the podcast. Sorry mommy calling you out. But yeah, that's that's my mom's I think it's like PTSD and like all the fear of like I need a relax and no stress because you're gonna be I don't want you to have a stroke again like all these things I'm like ma. I'm fine. I'm okay. I mean I understand I have to be You know, careful, um, but not stop my life.

Lori: 14:08

Yes, absolutely. Um, one of the deficits was, um, I had epilepsy from the stroke. And so I think a lot of the fear is, um, for my family is, um, not that I can't take care of myself, but, uh, um, if something happens, they're not there to take care of me. Um, the way they, they would want to take care of me. Um, and so, you know, I think, um, I've learned, um, in my maturity, um, and I'm getting there slowly but surely, um, rather than being the two or three year old, um, mentality, kicking and screaming, um, that I want to dress myself again, um, that, uh, to put things in place, um, for instance this trip to Texas, um, to make them all comfortable. You know, they know, um, who I'm with. They have a list of ten friends that I'm all staying in the hotel with, contacts, phone numbers. All my friends have a list of all my medicines, all my, um, information, and everybody is on the same page, so everybody's comfortable.

Kezia: 15:10

I love what you just said. Again, I feel very connected to you right now. Um, I had a seizure about, I don't even know, time is so weird. Like three weeks ago, and I hadn't had one in four years. And it's like a re, it's like a little trigger to what I had to go through six years ago. So it's like, oh my goodness. Here we go again. Here we go again. Um, it's kind of like Another hiccup, another bump on the road. Um, but it feels so different. Um, and then it's like a lot of triggers from my family and friends and the people I've met here in Texas. Um, I have friends that are not part of BIND and don't have too much, um, experience about brain injury survivors, what our life is like. And it was like, wait, what if you come over to my apartment? And like, we were going to hang out in her pool. And she's like, I don't know if that's healthy right now. I'm like, well right now not so much. Shouldn't be by a pool, but It's fine. Here's my mom's phone number Here's all the resources. This is what you do So it's kind of like teaching people what to do, you know in case it were to happen but hopefully it doesn't happen, you know.

Lori: 16:24

But then it makes you feel different again, doesn't it? And then all you want to say to other people is, you know, I'm the, I'm not any different than you. It's just my body is not, um, cooperating the way I want to. And I think that has been, um, my biggest struggle as probably y'all's is, um, Fitting back in your peer group and making other people understand and that that's truly hard So I'm so glad you guys have each other and I think that's why it's so important to find like minded individuals to Help us through the journey and then just do our best to incorporate Education with our other peer groups to get them to understand.

Kezia: 17:08

Yeah Well, that's what we want to do with the podcast. Everyone listen to us. Yes, absolutely.

Carrie: 17:15

I'm going to take a quick little break real quick and remind our listeners to be sure to click that like button. Click that share button. If you're on YouTube, click that notify button. But, so that kind of brings me back. You made a comment earlier that I'm curious about. Because, I mean, all of our rehabilitation journey is different. I mean, I was fortunate I didn't have, I wasn't in a coma. I went through. the normal acute inpatient and then I was lucky enough to get in a day neuro program that was an extensive three months, all day long, five days a week, all the therapies. One of those reasons were because I wasn't walking fully and my parents were working and they really didn't want to leave me at home alone because that's scary, you know. Yes. But um, but you said that like your, your, your rehabilitation didn't really start progressing at a better level till you got to Arizona, which was a couple of years after you had a stroke?,

Lori: 18:14

It was, uh, six months. Oh, okay. Six months post stroke. Yes, sir. Yes, uh, and, uh, um, there was a, uh, new rehabilitation center called SWAN Rehab that had just opened up. And, uh, at that time, it was very similar, I think, to what you went through. Um, it was, uh, uh, about a six hour a day program. And I It has changed since then because of insurance, but at the time it was a very intensive program. And I would have never gotten better had I not done that. So, I'm so grateful for that, that time and those resources.

Kezia: 18:51

Yeah, uh, it was very intense for sure. And I think that's important, right? That we've learned throughout, like, our guests. Um, just that time is really important. And it feels exhausting because our brain is just developing and finding its new paths. Um, so I think that, um, obviously we looked into you to try and learn a little bit before we met you in person, which is right now. We don't, we didn't meet you before. Um, so I read into how your life now is just so different and to me it was a little surprising. Um, so you have, uh, children and I wanted to know that a little bit about you.

Lori: 19:34

Yes, yes. So, um, like I said, we were trying to start our family when I had a stroke and, uh, you know, when you want to be a mom, that doesn't end just because you have a life challenge. So, um, eight years post stroke, we decided, um, that we still wanted to be parents and, uh, because of the disability and the epilepsy, we decided, uh, adoption was a good next step. So, we decided to adopt a sibling group of three from Columbia, South America. Um, my husband and I both are only children, so that's why three. We wanted a bigger family. Um, Um, I say now a lot of times it doesn't matter if it's parenting, a relationship, a job, um, many times you don't know what you don't know until you're involved. And that's the same way with parenting. Um, so we adopted our three. They were six, eight, and ten at the time of adoption. And, uh, it was definitely a journey of challenges and blessings. Um, they are now nineteen, um, 21 and, um, almost, uh, 24. And, uh, uh, you know, it, the challenges never end. It's, it's, it's a blessing. I'll always be grateful that they, I was able to be a mom. But, uh, a lot of trauma, um, and, uh, unknowns with adoption. And, uh, but, uh, that's life, right?

Kezia: 20:57

Yeah, I love that you've chosen that. I mean, you're right. It doesn't, uh, just the stroke or any other injury that can change life doesn't have to put pause on life or end a certain goal and vision that you had for yourself. Thank you. I love that.

Carrie: 21:15

Yeah, it's great. How did they, um, Not just react to being adopted, but being adopted into a family with challenges. I mean, did they just adapt easily? I mean, I'm just curious. They were young when you adopted them.

Lori: 21:29

Yes, yes, they were fairly young. Um, you know, they, I think they just kind of rolled with it. You know, um, I think they just, uh, they never really knew anything different. And so, you know, I think there was just multiple challenges anyway, and so it was just kind of one more. They had challenges, I had challenges, so sometimes it worked well, and sometimes we were all a hot mess. It just depends on the day, depends on the year, depends on what we were going through. So, you know, that's life, right? And, you know, I look I look back now and sometimes when I talk to others, and especially in my books, I talk about, um, you know, we have all these expectations and dreams and hopes and they rarely turn out the way we expect them to. And so your ability to roll with the punches and to move forward, um, I think that's one of the greatest gifts I've learned is flexibility.

Kezia: 22:22

I love that. Flexibility, but also I hope your kids know how I don't know if I can say that out loud, like how amazing you are and going through all of this, all of these challenges, and I think so far, I feel like what I've viewed you for is just the balance you've been able to manage in life with your difficulties, your Limitations that you've learned how to overcome, and then also just a normal life. And I hope that maybe our listeners don't see me quoting because I don't, I don't know a better word other than normal, but it's not. You know, like, it's just a sense of what other think, other people think is normal. Right. But, um, what would you give to our listeners, which many may be, um, brain injury survivors or caregivers, and how you learned how to manage this balance in life?

Lori: 23:21

Um, I think a lot of it is I just learned that, uh, every challenge is an opportunity, um, once you get through the grief and trauma and loss of things. But you have to really give yourself that time to grieve. And it took a long time, and I'm still in the process of learning how to grieve that loss. And I found that there is a, a beautiful new normal, and it truly is a new normal, um, but you have to really recognize that you had a loss and, um, grieve that. And, uh, so I became really, um, engrossed and, uh, um, involved at the Cancer Center. Um, I was pre diagnosed with ovarian cancer, cancer free now. But that just taught me so much about emotional support and, uh, something that the stroke community really didn't. teach me, because it was more physical, um, and, uh, so I've tried to really incorporate that, um, when I speak to other stroke survivors and in my own journey. And when I became an author, I think writing and sharing with others and, and serving has truly helped me on my own journey. Um, I did not go through counseling and I should have, because there is layers and layers of, um, trauma, hurt, PTSD, and, and, you know, when you don't uncover that, properly...it just, um, one thing is hidden under something else, under something else, under something else. And, uh, um, you know, layers just keep building. And, uh, so I've just learned so much on the journey. But thank you for the compliment.

Carrie: 24:54

And, um, now I'm totally relating to you because I'm from a faith based, um, home too. And so, I was, you very frustrated in the beginning. Why me? Why did this happen? Blah, blah, blah. And I realized, like what you just said, is I have to go through the five stages of grief that you go through if you lose a loved one. Because I did. I lost the most loved one that I could ever love. But I'm still here, I'm still alive, so let's figure out what to do and let's keep on going. Absolutely. And I, like you, have found my purpose and it's all just about educating and let's, let everyone, let's let people that don't understand brain injury learn about brain injury. Let's provide hope and support for the new survivors, because that's what, that's what they need

Lori: 25:35

Absolutely, and there's such inner joy and hope that goes above and beyond our, um, physical challenges. And if we can have that emotional support and emotional well being, um, then it, um, it doesn't change our physical circumstances. Because we might not ever get any better. And that's what we have to get to a point of understanding. We might not ever change where we're at physically, but if we can be healthy emotionally then it changes everything. And if we can help others in that same sort of, um, pattern and well being. Then we've served our purpose. Exactly.

Kezia: 26:13

I love it. I definitely agree and I hope our listeners are, are learning that too. In all honesty, uh, Lori, it's been great for you to be here and squeeze us in, really. Squeeze, squeeze us in to talk to you and get to know you. That's been great. Um, so I also want to thank our listeners to listen to us on our Thursday. So um, yes. And I hope you stick around a little bit more often.

Lori: 26:40

Yes, thank you so much. I appreciate you having me. Thank you.

Carrie: 26:44

Thank you, Lori. And again, if you would like to contact us, you can email us at bindwaves@thebind.org and you can also visit our website thebind.org/bindwaves.. If you're interested in becoming a volunteer, you can visit thebind. org website for more information and we will also make sure that we have Lori's contact information in the details of the show notes.

Kezia: 27:10

And to all our listeners, don't forget to just like us on all your social media platforms, on all of that Instagram, Facebook, YouTube, wherever you listen to the podcast. And just give us a comment if you like.

Carrie: 27:25

And again, you can hear us every Thursday, all new episodes every Thursday. So until next time,

Kezia: 27:30

until next time.

27:32

We hope you've enjoyed listening to BIND Waves and continue to support BIND and our non profit mission. We support brain injury survivors as they reconnect into the life, the community, and their workplace. And we couldn't do that without great listeners like you. We appreciate each and every one of you. Continue watching. Until next time. Until next time.